Was Obama Born In Kenya?

The Apollo 11 had not yet returned to earth in late July of 1969 when the rumors started floating around that the entire moon landing was a hoax, having been faked on a giant phony moonscape set in a vast soundstage at some secret location. If true, the illusion would have required that 80,000 NASA engineers and flight controllers were secretly collaborating with the entire news gathering infrastructure of the global media to perpetrate a fraud which, but for the efforts of a few amateur sleuths, would have fooled the world. The event was repeated five more times, continuing through the Apollo 17 flight, but this did nothing to disprove the hoax theory according to the truth squad, and today, the fraudulent moon landing theory has taken its place with the cover-ups of the Roswell crash and the JFK assassination conspiracy.

Four days ago (11/7) I wrote about the outpouring of celebration and global good will following the Obama election victory, comparing it to the positive feelings around the world about the U.S.A. on the day of the Apollo 11 landing. It seems, now, that the two events have something else in common. The conspiracy theorists are hard at work trying to get the word out that Barack Obama was born in Kenya, thus making him ineligible to take the oath of office as President. Obama’s American citizenship, according to the amateur truth seekers, is just as fraudulent as the moon landing 40 years ago. Once again, the so-called truth seekers are asking us to believe some ideas that are very hard to swallow. First, the global news gathering apparatus completely missed this story, despite the fact that a Pulitzer would surely have been waiting for anyone who broke the news. Second, the Clinton political machine missed the story even though the revelation of the Obama fraud would have given Hillary the nomination, and probably the Presidency. Third, the incredibly efficient and professional dirty-tricks and muckraking team within the GOP under the leadership of Karl Rove— not exactly an amateur at political intrigue— missed the opportunity to bury Obama and put McCain/Palin in the White House. Lastly, we are asked to believe that a few independent lawyers and Internet bloggers are the only people brilliant enough to get at the truth.

There’s a principle in science called “Occam’s Razor,” which states that the simplest answer is the right answer. The simplest answer is that Obama was born in the United States and is, thus, eligible for the nation’s highest office.

Also see: A Moment Of Global Joy (11/7/2008)

Keeping The Tundra Tootsie Looking Good

It’s been 60 days since McCain picked the Tundra Tootsie as his Vice-Presidential running mate, and there’s still a dozen days to go until the election. Assuming that she never wears any piece of clothing more than once, and that she changes complete outfits twice a day, that means that Palin will go through about 150 dress-up cycles during her run for the nation’s second highest office. What makes this relevant is that we now know that the RNC has spent $150,000 to make her look good, or $1,000 per wardrobe change. Since she never does sit-down interviews, it’s unlikely that she gets a lot of wrinkles.

Hillary Clinton spent her own money to keep herself in pants suits because, being a Democrat, she probably had some understanding of the kind of American family that could buy clothing to last a lifetime for less than $150,000. In a normal election year, none of this would make much difference, But now, there are people—and a lot of them— who have lost their home, and who have gone on food stamps for the first time. This is not a normal election year. I’m not suggesting that the Tundra Tootsie should be given the old Marie Antoinette treatment for her wardrobe excess. Simply sending her back to live among the rapidly-diminishing polar bears will be sufficient.

What We Can't Say

The newest rage on the campaign trail is to accuse the other guy (or gal) of being “out of touch.” Of course the candidates are “out of touch.” Everyone in America is out of touch with everyone else, and it’s because of all the things that we’re not allowed to say.

We can’t say that every country in the industrialized world has a better healthcare and education system than we do (even though it’s true). This is unpatriotic. We can’t say that Hillary must be really pissed because Palin is “in” and Hillary is “out.” This is demeaning to Hillary, and, therefore, demeaning to women. We can’t say that our greatest threat is Islamic fundamentalism. This is not politically correct. We can’t say that illegal Mexican immigration threatens our national sovereignty. This is racist. We can't look at the housing and lending mess and say that people shouldn't buy houses they can't afford to own. This is offensive to people who can't manage money. We can’t say that tiny foreign cars are better for the environment than gas guzzling pickups and SUVs. This is un-American. It's probably anti-cowboy, too. And we certainly can’t make any jokes about the effect of 23 hour Alaskan nights on the pregnancy statistics in Alaska. This is un-Alaskan, and sexist, and anti-feminist, and demeaning to pregnant women everywhere. So I won’t even bring it up. But you might want to Google, “Bristol Palin.”

It’s My Party, and I’ll Cry If I want To

It’s My Party, and I’ll Cry If I want To. This pretty much sums up Hillary, and her approach to the Democrats at their national convention in Denver. We think we’ve seen it all, those of us who try to offer intelligent, non-hysterical political blogging with a somewhat jaded and cynical touch, but I must admit that I’m surprised by the Clintons. That’s not their fault. It’s my own naiveté. The Clintons are just being themselves, with the monstrous egos and petulant self-absorption that are their trademarks.

Here’s my mea culpa. I admit, much to my shame, that I pulled the R lever for George W. Bush in 2000. I was motivated to cross over to the dark side by my utter disgust for Bill Clinton— the man and the President. I thought that no president could be worse than Slick Willy. Of course, after the last eight years, I realize just how wrong I was. But looking back, I believe that a lot of Independents did what I did, for similar reasons, and collectively we boosted Bush close enough to a majority so that The Supreme Court could install him without being accused of staging an outright coup.

That’s water under the bridge now. For my atonement, I think I’ll vote for Obama this year, in spite of my doubts about the Democrats, perpetually afflicted as they are with nonsensical silliness, and always willing to appease any whiner who displays sufficient petulance. Right now that whiner is Hillary Clinton, who wants her name to be placed into nomination at the convention so that she can feel relevant. If she doesn’t get her way, Bill will limit his campaign activity to pouting and pontificating. In a perverse way this gives me something that I’ve wanted for a long time, a litmus test to prove to me that the party in power deserves to be in power. The Clintons will be that litmus test for me.

After the eight year nightmare that’s coming to a close, Obama should have been a runaway favorite to win the next election. However, I’ve never been all that comfortable with the certainty of his victory. I think that a lot of Independents, people who would never consider themselves to be racist, will get into the privacy of the voting booth and vote for the white guy, “Just to be on the safe side.” They might even lie about it to their friends afterward. Obama has to overcome that to win, and he needs 100% of the support from his party to do it. If the Democrats are sidetracked with trying so soothe the wounded egos of the Clintons, it could well cost Obama the election. For me, that’s the litmus test that I mentioned earlier. If the Democrats lose the presidency because of the Clintons, they deserve to lose it.

Hard Working White Americans

As Barack Obama gets closer to locking up the nomination, it’s suddenly dawned on everyone that there is a certain segment of our society that will never vote for him, no matter what he says or does. And now Hillary Clinton has been kind enough to give us a tidy little euphemism to label these folks, and thereby avoid the dreaded “R’ word. They are, in Clintonspeak , “Hard-working white Americans.”

They might be hard-working now, but it’s worth noting that they are descended from people who were too lazy to pick their own cotton and tobacco.