Saturday, December 31, 2011

Divided Loyalties

The Chiefs come to Denver tomorrow. No, not elderly redskins in feathered headdresses, or the uniformed General officers who head all the U.S. military service branches. I’m talking here about the Kansas City football team. And this presents a dilemma in Heaven. As we all know, Jesus and “Timtim” Tebow have established a boyhood friendship. Problem is that Christ’s father, The Big Guy, feels a certain loyalty to the Chiefs fans based on the fact that Kansas and Missouri are the only states that teach creation in the schools. Who will prevail? Tune in tomorrow to find out.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Why the Gaps in His Resume?

Poetic mythmaker, Clement C. Moore, borrowed a couple of ideas from Washington Irving and in 1822 he gave us a detailed picture of St. Nicholas— a picture complete with the red suit, the round belly, and the sleigh pulled by eight reindeer. In the 190 years since then, Madison Avenue mythmakers came to realize there was a big gap in the year starting with the day after Christmas and continuing until Thanksgiving when Santa Claus reappears, and over time they filled in the myth of Santa Claus with a home at the North Pole, a workshop manned by a toy-production labor force of elves, and a kindly wife named Mrs. Claus who looks remarkably like my own wife. The point is this— when you’re selling the idea of an iconic personality, you need to fill in all the details.

I offer the tale of Santa Claus to stand in contrast with the tale of Jesus Christ. If Advent and the time leading up to the nativity is meant to build anticipation for the coming of mankind’s Lord and Savior, then why is there this informational black hole starting the week after Christmas and continuing for three decades until Jesus shows up again as a full grown adult? By all accounts, the first Noel was witnessed by three wise men, as well as numerous shepherds and angels and heavenly hosts (whatever those are). And it’s obvious from the record that everybody at the nativity realized at the time that it was a big deal. So why didn’t anybody bother to track the growth of Jesus after His birth? Where are the hymns about the second Noel, or the third, or any others?

The Muslims in their Koran have a pretty detailed account of the life of Mohammed, and there aren’t the gaps in his story like there are with the life of Jesus. In Christianity, the four gospels do a fair job of doing the job they do, but they sure leave a lot unsaid. If the Son of God truly walked the earth in the midst of mankind two thousand years ago, then why was he so unremarkable for most of his life?

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Blame It on the Birthday Party

Timtim (a.k.a. "The Big Tebowski") threw four interceptions today (two of them came just nine seconds apart) on Denver’s way to a 40-14 blowout loss to Buffalo. After the game, Timtim received a text message from Jesus in the locker room. By way of an apology, the Lord and Savior of all mankind explained that He was so focused on last minute preparations for His big birthday party tonight that He totally forgot that the Broncos were playing on Saturday this week. He actually missed the game, which is why He wasn't guiding the hand of Timtim. At least that's the excuse that both of them are using. BTW, if you’re planning to attend the birthday party tonight, and you need to get a last minute birthday gift, Jesus did mention in his text message that He could always use a little more myrrh.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

What Happened to the Gold?

Once again confirming that Evangelical Christians have absolutely no sense of humor, the true believers have been in a snit since Saturday night when SNL did a skit with Jesus visiting Tim Tebow in the Broncos locker room. They feel that depicting Jesus in such a sports setting is inappropriate and offensive. Of course, these are the same people who think that incense, gold, and myrrh are totally rational baby gifts for a newborn infant. And by the way, just exactly what did Joseph and Mary do with that gold? Did they book themselves into a hotel or B&B to get their kid out of that pathetic manger? Did they use it to pay the tax levied by Herod? Did they put it into a trust fund until Jesus turned 18? Or did they just “blow it” like parents often do when they’re trusted with wealth that belongs to the next generation? This is one of many questions that I intend to ask a Heavenly host if I run into one during the Christmas season.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Alas— No Hoopla

My wife and I went downtown last Thursday to join the celebration. The Iraq War had ended, and I remembered the iconic photo in Life magazine taken on the day World War II ended— that classic image of the sailor kissing the nurse. I missed the end of WWII (actually I didn’t exactly miss it, but I was only three years old at the time) so I wanted to experience all the celebration-of-victory hoopla for myself this time. Alas— no hoopla. Maybe because there was no actual victory. Covered incessantly by the media with “imbedded” camera crews, Iraq just turned out to be a really, REALLY expensive, long-running and mindless reality show in which viewers eventually lost interest, so that the show finally got canceled because of low ratings. It will be interesting to see what they come up with to fill that time slot.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Maybe If We Wait Long Enough

The French and the Germans killed each other— big time— during the two World Wars, but now 65 years later they are working together to try to save the European Union from economic collapse. Yesterday, their two respective leaders appeared arm in arm, beaming in apparent harmony. So maybe if we wait 65 years, the Republicans and the Democrats will work together in harmony to try and save what’s left of The United States of America. Question is, by that time will anyone even care?