Saturday, May 28, 2011

Vatican Conference on Condoms

The hierarchy of the Vatican has convened a conference this week to craft a position statement on the subject of condom use. This is like an assembly of midgets crafting a strategy for winning NBA basketball games. Considering that the Catholic Church has only recognized the value of women for less than 100 years, we should not look for a lot of wisdom from the Vatican on this, or any other aspect of human sexual behavior. It's all about pomp and show.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

The "Lazarus" Dilema

As long as I'm offending all my Christian friends, including most of my own family, I need to ask about Lazarus. My questions is: whatever happened to him? Help me out, here. Is Lazarus still alive today? Or did Jesus raise him from the dead, and then bump him off sometime later, after his public relations value had diminished? And if the latter is the case, then it raises this question. How much Godly compassion is shown when you make a man die twice? You see my confusion here?

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Invisible Day of Judgement

Last Saturday's predicted day of judgement and Rapture was a bust, so Harold Camping tried to save the day by proclaiming that the judgement had taken place, but was "invisible." Hey, why not? Let's see. You've got an invisible super being who lives in an invisible heaven, and who watches and guides human lives invisibly. According to legend, a junior version of Mister Super died on earth, and then invisibly rose from the dead a couple days later. Nobody actually witnessed this resurrection (it was invisible), even though the whole point of it was to achieve maximum, long-lasting notoriety. This was done, so it's claimed, to atone for an invisible original sin, but nobody ever saw that original sin being committed in the first place although all of us are said to be guilty of it. Not sure how this works. So it makes perfect sense that the final judgement would be cloaked in a mantle of invisibility. Religion is all about seeing how many invisible things you can get somebody to believe.