What We Can't Say

The newest rage on the campaign trail is to accuse the other guy (or gal) of being “out of touch.” Of course the candidates are “out of touch.” Everyone in America is out of touch with everyone else, and it’s because of all the things that we’re not allowed to say.

We can’t say that every country in the industrialized world has a better healthcare and education system than we do (even though it’s true). This is unpatriotic. We can’t say that Hillary must be really pissed because Palin is “in” and Hillary is “out.” This is demeaning to Hillary, and, therefore, demeaning to women. We can’t say that our greatest threat is Islamic fundamentalism. This is not politically correct. We can’t say that illegal Mexican immigration threatens our national sovereignty. This is racist. We can't look at the housing and lending mess and say that people shouldn't buy houses they can't afford to own. This is offensive to people who can't manage money. We can’t say that tiny foreign cars are better for the environment than gas guzzling pickups and SUVs. This is un-American. It's probably anti-cowboy, too. And we certainly can’t make any jokes about the effect of 23 hour Alaskan nights on the pregnancy statistics in Alaska. This is un-Alaskan, and sexist, and anti-feminist, and demeaning to pregnant women everywhere. So I won’t even bring it up. But you might want to Google, “Bristol Palin.”